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because of the boring environment ive got to make my own video entitled "simply me-aires"
you can search it at you tube..:)
GOD BLESS!
Hope you like it!
myself
my life
my heart :(
i am afraid to fall in love :(
maybe it is the effect of my past hurts and pains that i don't want to encounter again..
but it is also hard to stop and control your self from loving..
Now, i can't understand..
when i feel that a situation will push me to fall for a person i tend to "stay way" from him..
it's hard really..:(
i am afraid to take risk again i might be left out and be broken again into pieces..
i think i am not yet ready..
i need space
i need time to repair my heart again :-I
i am hoping that when when the time comes that i will open my heart again to someone he will prove to me that not all men are the same :)
hopefully!
-i know i will LOVE again-
-deanne-
I close the year 2008 by serving the Provincial Kids Village and opened the new year by joining the Provincial Leaders Camp. Through these activities i was helped to move on and be healed.
That year (2008) was really perplexing, upsetting yet it was awesome, challenging, salient and majestic. It leaves me a great mark in my life. I'm leaving behind everything but the learnings and memories will still remain in my heart and mind.
Now i can say i am truly HEALED. I am healed because ive learned how to be SELFLESS, HUMBLE and most of all RATIONAL.
Emptiness is not anymore a part of my being I am now whole again. And God was one of the reason why I am. :-)
I am happy :) Yes, really happy...
I'm glad that the wound is now healed and its the reason why i am moving forward with my life.
Its good to be LOVED and a great feeling to LOVE but sometimes we need to STOP, LISTEN and LET GO..
hAPPINESS is the consequence of my decisions it hurts at first but eventually it makes me vital again. It's the greatest decision I've ever made in my entire life i've learned to forgive and accept everything as what they should be.
Let us enjoy life! :) don't waste it ....
GOD BLESS!
- Mood:
happy
thank u LORD!
For this day i only have one subject to attend to and yes, today is the last school day for this year.hehe
I do not have anything to do that is why i am trying to find a good book to read..My attention was caught by one of the books piled in our cabinet it is entitled "INNER HEALING", so i got it up and scan its pages it was clearly written their that "Wounds and scars on the inner being of men and women are the roots of self hatred, inability to trust, guilt, anxiety, fear of the future, and repressed resentments". I was struck by this line and was pause for a moment of silence. I then asked myself, am i now healed?
For this year i experienced great hurt, i was totally hurt by the person i truly love :-)
Indeed, i was deeply wounded and it was really unbearable. I remember those days when i feel hate deep inside me it was truly self-deprecating.I started not to trust people, there was guilt deep inside my whole being and i was in anxiety. I have lots of apprehensions about my future life and honestly it was a great struggle for me. During those dark moments of my life i really need someone to talk to, to understand me and to listen the cry of my heart. And the only person i'm holding on to was "GOD".I came to Him with eyes full of tears and a humbled heart. I was ashamed to Him i was too hard headed person. God was the reason why i am relieved, i started to love myself more and go back to the old "DEANNE" that God expect me to be but much better now. The same person that has a happy disposition in life, great faith in God,no hate inside but love and most especially the girl that has a rational mind and a big heart ready to love those "lovable and unlovable" people. Im glad i've surpassed those challenges and truly it was a great experience and a life shaking happenings.
Healing is really hard its a PROCESS it needs a long time and a great effort. I can say this because i've undergone this few weeks ago and maybe until now. Ive tried myself to be healed and always asked God's enlightenment about it. I can't deny the fact that even until now i am still hurt with the same reason and of course with the same person.Maybe all those little things that ive heard, saw and even felt i got hurt. You can feel hurt when your heart contradicts with your brain according to them, and yes ! its true. I am now using my brain not my heart and maybe its the reason why i got hurt..I know that he's now happy with his life and i am happy for him. Maybe everything we had was just a part of our playful destinies and everything has reasons why it happened. I did not regret anything because i was once happy because of him. The scars will remain and it will always remind me that because of him i was transformed into a better person and i did struggle a lot for it.
i am looking forward for that day where in i can proudly say that i am "completely healed"
i am willing to wait for that..it's hard yet i know i have the perseverance to do it..
i am happy but i can't deny the fact that i am still empty..
merry Christmas everyone!
- Mood: calm
Christmas is fast approaching and i am thanking everyone..hehehe
THANK YOU ninu!!
thank you for molding me into a real person that i am right now..
thank you sa inyong SupPort..morally..hehehe
bastah,sa tanan-tanan..hehehe
This year is really a great year..ive experience everything that i did not expect and most especially
the things/happenings that i do not want to happen into my life.Yet, i did overcome it and thanks to all of you..
May God continue Blessing you with all the wonderful things in life..
tnx!
"LIVE & LOVE your LIFE with your GOD"
- Mood: happy
Everythings is now alright and im happy.. hehehehe
Friends nami.. :-)
ive learned a lot and im happy because ive overcome that challenge!
indeed,life is so great and i need to live it the way God wants me to be.
No more heartaches, no more hatred....
all i want is LOVE!
tnx GOD!
i did follow my philosophy in life .hehehe
"LOVE and LOVE until it hurts LoVE and LOVE until it hurts no more"
i did it!!!
GOD BLESS!
ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- Mood: cheerful
tnx GOD
When i joined Youth for Christ two years ago i could still remember the 3rd talk it is all about "Repentance,Faith,Healing and Forgiveness:..My life before was totally different from now i don't want to hate anything, I hate "hate" itself.My life was simple, peaceful and i was full of love.But now i've learned to hate some people in my life and i don't want to be like this. That is why i need to start over again. I want to go back to the times that "forgiving" is an easy task for me and my heart is empty when it comes to hate.
Now, i could say "i forgive him,"...My God is a forgiving father and i don't have any right not to forgive people who hurt me. :)
Im now growing i believe that "there is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss and no loss without pain.
Tnx for this experience i was really transformed into a more rational and mature person.
I am now starting to live the life i want, the life that God has designed for me..
Live life to the fullest! :)
tnx!
and may GOD BLESS us all!
Now, i could say "i forgive him,"...My God is a forgiving father and i don't have any right not to forgive people who hurt me. :)
Im now growing i believe that "there is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss and no loss without pain.
Tnx for this experience i was really transformed into a more rational and mature person.
I am now starting to live the life i want, the life that God has designed for me..
Live life to the fullest! :)
tnx!
and may GOD BLESS us all!
tHis day Nov. 28,2008 seems a day full of uncertainties and insensitive people i felt that the world turned into something i did not expect it to be. It is unfair i tell you! but before anything else i want to unlocked the meaning of the word "unfair"..
UNFAIR- "marked by dishonesty or fraud; showing partially or prejudice; not pleasing or comely"
It all started with a text message i received when i got up this morning . It was then not a good news for me, that is why it ruined my day! My self esteem drops into its lowest point and i find myself thinking about it all over again. I tried to control my mind, to stop thinking about it and make it as none of my business but then it was too hard to do, it was not really easy to control yourself from opening your senses to the reality that "the person you love (let us just say the person whom you start and end your day with) is now going out with someone (specifically, your new female classmate) :(
HAhahahha! bullshit!!
All these things are facts, facts that i need to welcome and accept by my self. I don't want to think that for those past days or months that we're together he was just playing with my emotions. But then its a reality, maybe we was not really serious with me i was just blinded with my feelings. And i do regret for those times that i gave my full trust to him..all i thought was people are naturally rational because we are created in the image and likeness of God but then i realized that sometimes we need to put some WalLs not to hide from people but instead NOt to let them draw too close to you because at the end you will just get hurt.
I was innocent with LoVe! that is why i was fooled, i was left behind, i loved so much but then i received nothing in return and most of all i was Hurt!. Indeed, through this experience i had I've learned a lot. I've realized that not all people can be trusted upon, that not all people can love back and most of all not all people are sincere with that they say and do.
Candidly, it was a life changing experience ...Now i know "TOO GOOD is also BaD". I don't need to be too good but what can i do?this is the real me..! Maybe i just need to express what i feel and stop people from hurting me.!It is maybe one of the reason why people keep hurting me because they thought that i am too weak to fight. But now another side of me is growing, the new me that knows how to stand for my right and do not let other people hurt me just because of my debility.
Another thing that come up in my mind just now..Being insensitive or maybe to be apathetic sometimes is also needed. I need to mind my own business.If he's already with someone new then it's none of my business! i need to mind my own life because the more i give attention to him the more i get hurt, so better to be insensitive..ryt?
Indeed, it was all UNFAIR...unfair because i thought everything was real and he was telling the truth and not lies but then what a melancholic reality it was that everything i do expect from him had turned to nothing.
"He don't deserve any LOVE from anyBody.."
im sorry to tell that..
its getting dark and i need to stop just here ..hehe.thank you for reading! I hope you've learned something from my writing and please do give comments if you have time..tnx! GOD Bless!
- Mood:
disappointed
